What The..?

Blogging. It’s something that I honestly never paid much attention to – it’s just people writing about stuff, right? So exactly how did I find myself here writing my first ever blog? Well, the truth is, since my Fibromyalgia diagnosis I find myself saying “what the fuck?” every single day.

Let me take you back to the beginning. 2014, I was a physically healthy 33 year old (my mental health is another story). One day at the gym I tore my rotator cuff; I had also been experiencing hip pain so I saw a physiotherapist and took some time out to heal, but the pain never really went away. Over the next year I put on some weight and in 2015 I found out I was pregnant, my healthy little man was born in 2016 and after that… everything changed. My pain and aches became worse, I was always tired and “that time of the month” was literally hell but I pushed on with life because that’s what us badass women do, right?

Fast forward to 2019. After routine blood tests my doctor called me in and explained my iron and ferritin were way too low; after more tests I was found to have adenomyosis and within a week I was put on a waiting list for a Hysterectomy. Part of me was in shock, not wanting to accept my little baby maker was going to be gone… the other part could NOT FUCKING WAIT for that fucker to be gone!

This was going to be it, I had finally fixed all my issues and was going to finally get my energy back! Oh, how wrong I was. Recovery was average but as the months went by my energy just never seemed to return. Fed up with everything I decided to look into my pains that had been around now for years, and after a couple of ultrasounds showing nothing wrong, my doctor sent me to a Rheumatologist who then explained that I had something called Fibromyalgia. What the fuck?

After that day I was pretty much an emotional mess. I cried daily, thinking “how can this happen to me?” I Googled and read to the point I had now diagnosed myself with a hundred new diseases and I was pretty sure I was going to die, thanks Dr Google! It was clear by this point I needed to seek out some real people going through what I am going through so I could gain some sort of understanding of this thing, and I found some amazing support groups online. 

“Your support network is the solid ground from which you can propel yourself upwards. Anna Barnes”

Anna Barnes, How to be resilient

At first it was overwhelming. I could not believe how many people were suffering too, I could not believe with how much of what I read I related to. These were my people now and I was going to learn everything I could from them. This is when I learned that a lot of people get Fibro because of past trauma – it all began to make sense, and I broke down. You see, back when I was a young wild teen I went through something pretty traumatic for a long period of time, and now here I was reliving that trauma in my head. I became angry, depressed… all these years later, how the fuck can that still be affecting my life? What the fuck? Why? Anyway, after days of crying and cursing I came to a realisation – I knew then that I will fight this illness with all I have. This gave me the strength I needed to pick up my crown, move forward and begin my journey. 

So, that is where my story really begins – getting my head around a chronic illness that has no cure, no real cause, not much is known about about it at all and it pretty much just makes no fucking sense. 

My name is Sian, I’m a 39 year old from Melbourne, Australia. I have a wonderful Fiance named Aaron, I am a mother of 3, I am a Youth Worker and I am here to write a blog to talk about my experience, to gain more knowledge, to start discussions, to share the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between!

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